A Man and His Memories

Chapter 2: http://jelliott115.hubpages.com/_h7tjjfme2qu9/hub/A-Man-and-His-Memories-Chapter-Two

High School: http://jelliott115.hubpages.com/_h7tjjfme2qu9/hub/A-Man-and-His-Memories-Highschool

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It's hard for me to say that my life was any more or less exciting, traumatic, interesting, or difficult than anyone else's. Every single person holds memories deep inside that either they choose not to share or that they see no point in revealing. There are times I suddenly think of occurrences in my life that have nothing to do with anything going on when I'm thinking about them. These are, what I believe to be, defining moments in a person's life. They don't have to be grand events as small ones are just as influential. To try and determine why any one particular memory, thought, or action has a greater impact on making you or I who we are today is futile.

What I plan to do is to reveal and place shards of my past together into something resembling an autobiography not for the benefit of the reader, but for myself. I am prepared to be candid and revealing about everything while still maintaining my current way of life.

I used to live in an extremely small town called "Pickle Lake" way up in northwest Ontario, Canada. I'll be honest, if I was founding a town, I don't think that is the name I would have chosen. I lived in a small trailer with my mom, younger brother and alcoholic father who I really don't remember too much about during these years of my life. This part is so clouded and time-worn that I have a difficult time recalling things beyond the sharper memories that, for some reason, stand out.

My father spent most of his time at the hotel, which also had a bar in the basement. It's sad to say that I can only remember hiding behind the wall in the kitchen and trying to sneak up on him while he was watching TV in the living room. There is no way that I could have ever achieved that considering I attempted to 'sneak up' every 2 minutes or so after being spotted. There was a point that he started (or bought) a bait and tackle shop somehow. Whatever happened to that little hole-in-the-wall store is a mystery to me even today.

As far as people go, most of my childhood was spent playing with the daughters of the town nurse in the forest beside our house. She was our neighbor, so going from her house to mine was easy. There was a particular evergreen in the woods that was our little fort. The branches were placed just so that it looked almost tee-pee-like. There was an opening on one side that we could walk into it and hide if we wanted to. We didn't care about the potential danger of animals and actually, it had never really crossed my mind. I had spent so much time with them that I remember walking through the yard one day toward my mom. I had stepped on a nail and instantly cried for their mother right in front of mine. I keep telling myself that it was because she was the town nurse and she knew how to fix me. My mom and I still laugh about it today. It's fun to rub small things like that in her face.. playfully of course.

There were definitely some highlights to having the childhood I had. I absolutely loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Transformers. Every now and then I would see one placed on my pillow right before I would go to bed. To the mothers out there, it is the little things like this that make growing up that much more epic. On a side note, I vividly remember playing Metroid for the NES when I was surprised with a SNES! I mean come on. That was absolutely fantastic. It was from that point on that I was, without a doubt, a life-long, die-hard gamer.

I do know that there is one particular thing she feels bad about. The winters were incredibly sharp in that area, and I remember walking through what felt like a blizzard with her and my younger brother. I had no idea until recently the reason behind us walking in that. She needed cigarettes. Now before anyone goes 'what a terrible mother!', she is the best thing that ever happened to us and I love her like any son would. It's just fun to laugh about now that I'm older knowing, of course, that there was no immediate threat to our lives and what I thought was a blizzard may have been a snowfall. The imagination of a child. Hard to discern exaggeration from reality sometimes. There is what you remember, and what you want to remember to make it seem so much more epic. I can't tell if this scenario falls prey to that or not.

Summers were beautiful. I remember the vibrant green nettles on the trees.. smelling the fresh air as I played in the sand. I think this was when I first began to explore what my imagination was really capable of. I would draw lines in the sand and create small mazes that (even though I knew the correct path) this car or rock would have to traverse. When not at home, we would go to this lodge that you had to take a boat to get to and stay with the family that owned it there. I befriended their son and we would climb sand hills and ride 4-wheelers around the park. Even at that age, yes.. 4-wheelers. I actually ran over my little brother once while there. In hindsight, it could have been a LOT worse than simply a bump on the back.

Perhaps one of the more defining moments in my life while living in Pickle was an event concerning the church. Maybe this is what turned me off from religion as a whole. It's hard to say. My mom was having a hard time trying to work as an accountant, support the family, clean the house, take us to school, and everything else that both parents are supposed to participate in. So much so, that she had debated leaving my father for the benefit of the family. She had turned to the pastor of our church which we, at the time, looked up to as the moral compass of our community. He had told her that if her reasons were well founded and had good intentions, then it was a good idea. After dwelling deeply about all of this, my mom had decided to leave him. I don't blame her. It's a horrifying thought to think about where we might have ended up as a family had she stayed with him. So having made the decision up in her mind, she felt mentally secure with the path she was about to walk. The next Sunday when we went to church, we were caught off-guard by the message in the pastor's sermon. He had decided to do one on divorce and how it isn't right in the eyes of God. At the time, I didn't think too much about it. I was 9 or 10 maybe? As I grew up, this memory remained etched in my mind. The hypocrisy of this one man's actions only magnified by what I see today in what goes on in most organized religions. I don't hate religion.. but the only man I will ever put that amount of faith into again will be me.

Needless to say after all of the events that had occurred while living here, I now make a lot of my decisions on what I have seen and experienced, even at such a young age. There was a dark time in my life that I was definitely an alcoholic, following blindly in my father's footsteps, but that is something I will write about in the future. This is not the man I am now, nor will I ever be once again. As I write this, I feel strong emotions clawing from the depths of my chest. Both good and bad. This has tempered my beliefs further and has reinforced the positive decisions I have made in my life to get to where I am today.

How enlightening this entire process is going to be..